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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28962486">Hard Feelings</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/farfarawaygirl/pseuds/farfarawaygirl'>farfarawaygirl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chicago Fire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Late night talks, Mentions of Otis - Freeform, nothing has changed, we are still in love with these morons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:40:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,364</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28962486</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/farfarawaygirl/pseuds/farfarawaygirl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Time stamp: post 9x03</p><p>Matt does then, what he has wanted to do all day, he moves towards Sylvie. Places his hands on either side of her face, closes the distance between them, the heat of her body pressing into his knees, the brush of her hair on his hands. Their foreheads press together, and Matt smells that hint of mint from before, her gum or a breath mint, it’s close and warm on his face. </p><p>Last time, last time she kissed him first, she was the one who had the thought and then the action, so this time Matt presses in. Just when he is about to kiss her, Sylvie turns her head. Instead of his intended mark, Matt’s lips find the round curve of her cheek.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hard Feelings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the result of me a) missing Otis b) listening to Lorde nonstop c) ready for some angst d) avoiding some writers block on a different story I am working on.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Please, could you be tender?<br/>
And I will sit close to you<br/>
Let's give it a minute before we admit that we're through<br/>
- Hard Feelings/Loveless • Lorde</p><p>Matt has a very clear image in his mind of what Sylvie looked like at Otis’ funeral. Which, admittedly is a weird thing to think of as she walks into the common room, but nonetheless it’s where his head goes. It’s something about the tilt of her lips, or the way her eyes are overly bright. He knows it has something to do with their last call, the kid she had worked on was named Otis. </p><p>There is a lot different about today, and the day of Otis’ funeral. She’s not wearing a cast on her left arm, Matt’s not drowning in guilt... okay, maybe he still is with that last one, because all he can think about is the way she said ‘we’re done here’, and then ended whatever they had started. </p><p>If he thinks about it maybe he had ended it when he didn’t have an answer for her that night at her apartment. And then he went and waited to long, and couldn’t find the words she needed. He’s lost sleep over it. It’s the reason he’s here in the common room when the rest of the house is sleeping. Matt knows she asked for space, but she can’t honestly expect him to give it to her when she’s looking like that.</p><p>Standing up from his spot on the couch, Matt doesn’t even hesitate, he just opens his arms. Like she knew he would do that, Sylvie just walks into him; just barrels into his chest, slides her arms around his waist and clings to him. Matt tucks her under his chin, pulls her into his chest, settles her against him. </p><p>They fit together. </p><p>Maybe now is not the time to register that, when she going through something, but Matt notices it. Sylvie fits in his arms, like she fits in his life; perfectly, wholeheartedly, without reservation. </p><p>Sylvie smells like the firehouse, a little bit of smoke and hard work, antiseptic from her rig, coconuts from her shampoo and the barest hint of mint. Obviously, Matt knows he shouldn’t be doing this. Shouldn’t be cataloging her smell, should not be hugging her like this in their shared place of work. But here he is, doing it. </p><p>He’s spent a lot of time hugging her these past few years. Some of them happy, but most of them because of something bad. Something sad. Matt wants to change that, wishes he could go back in time and just start hugging her because she is the type of person who deserves hugs. The type of person who makes life better, and brighter, and richer for the people around her. Matt knows he should have noticed that, should had seen her sooner. Seen her with better eyes. </p><p>But he’s been foolish. That’s what he calls it on days he’s feeling charitable towards himself. Blind is an other. An absolute fucking moron is the one that keeps popping up in his head. </p><p>What might have been if he had ended things with Gabby more clearly when she left him? Who would Sylvie be to him if he hadn’t needed to try and find closure with Gabby last fall? Even, what could they be starting if he had been honest with her that night on her couch? </p><p>Because he knows what he would say if Gabby showed back up. That’s a tired song and dance that doesn’t serve either one of them. Gabby and him struggled for years to hold on to something they both made up a little in their heads. Because, she was always making choices without him, and he was always just wanting more than she could offer. </p><p>Instead, here he is holding onto Sylvie, while he can’t quite find the words she needs. </p><p>That’s a shitty feeling. </p><p>Matt likes to be the guy to fix thing. To find the problem and create a solution, he is good with improvising in the field, but get a pretty girl in front of him asking questions and he can’t think for shit. He has to say that he’s a little proud of Sylvie. He’s been around for a few breakups, which now make his hands sweaty, and just make him overall uncomfortable. Matt has seen her struggle after she makes big relationship decisions. </p><p>With that loser Harrison. </p><p>When her and Cruz ended. </p><p>Antonio. It’s a really weird memory, her at his and Gabby’s kitchen table contemplating dying her hair pink. </p><p>The flowers when she and Sheffield broke up. </p><p>But, now, she called him on a situation, and she is living with the outcome. He’s struggling, but she is determined to maintain that professionalism. </p><p>Matt can feel her breath on his neck, and he hears himself invite her to sit with him. Either she is so bothered by everything that she is temporarily forgetting her request for space, or Matt has earned some forgiveness, because she sits pressed against him. </p><p>“Will just message me, Otis was moved to the ICU.”</p><p>Matt runs his thumb over the base of her neck. “I’m sure this is bringing up a lot.”</p><p>Sylvie is looking down at her hands, “I see him everywhere. When I’m on calls, and when I’m flipping through tv. I think of Otis all the time. Walking past his memorial outside. I still find things of his that were his mixed in with mine, even in the new apartment.”</p><p>Her hair covers half her face, but Matt just wants to listen to her, wants to comfort her if he can. </p><p>“I regret leaving so soon after it happened. I should never have gone back to Indiana, I don’t even know why I said yes when Kyle asked me.”</p><p>Maybe he can fix things now, Matt thinks, searching for the words. “I almost asked you out.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“The shift before Sheffield proposed.”</p><p>Matt watches something unfurl across her face. He feels a bit of hope build in his chest, when Sylvie speaks her voice is tight and even, “but that was like a year and half ago.” She’s looking at him with something he can’t quite identify on her face. </p><p>“The Chief had a thing with Donna, and I was going to ask you.”</p><p>On the couch, Sylvie moves away from him, Matt’s hand slides down her back as she turns to face him more fully. God, her eyes are so blue. </p><p>“I would have said yes.”</p><p>Matt does then, what he has wanted to do all day, he moves towards Sylvie. Places his hands on either side of her face, closes the distance between them, the heat of her body pressing into his knees, the brush of her hair on his hands. Their foreheads press together, and Matt smells that hint of mint from before, her gum or a breath mint, it’s close and warm on his face. </p><p>Last time, last time she kissed him first, she was the one who had the thought and then the action, so this time Matt presses in. Just when he is about to kiss her, Sylvie turns her head. Instead of his intended mark, Matt’s lips find the round curve of her cheek. </p><p>“Matt,” Sylvie’s voice causes him actual physical pain, “we can’t.” Her eyes are squeezed closed. “Nothing has changed.”</p><p>Except, that’s not exactly true. Not for Matt. For him, everything has changed because he said it, just once, out loud. He told Severide, and that should be enough to make him able to say it now. Slowly, Sylvie pulls away from him, she shrugs out of his arms and stands, moves from the room, gives him a look that hurts. </p><p>“Whatever was going between us,” Sylvie shakes her head, “can’t happen.”</p><p>“Because of Gabby?” Matt gets to his feet, suddenly very, very tired.</p><p>Her hand finds her watchband, Sylvie shakes her head, “no, it’s not because of Gabby. Its...”</p><p>Her reply is cut off by the bells, Sylvie just gives him a a half smile, her face shadowed from him, and then she’s off. Answering a call. </p><p>Matt misses her already.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My hope is that if Sylvie has a thing with Greg Grainger, it just helps Matt figure his shit out.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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